Being Foolish

Hey, I know it's like long time since I last posted something, but i guess I was busy and distracted in thoughts... Hmm... So what am I going to talk about today? Yea, as the title suggests it has something to do with foolishness... I always ask myself and everyone... Why are we so CRAZY and foolish sometimes, when we know that we are obviously fools, but yet that little hope in your heart keeps telling you to hold on and perservere and that by any chance there will be a miracle perhaps? Ever had that feeling?


Yesterday was christmas, and I sort of was a fool one way or another. I wished so hard for something almost impossible to happen... I mean we always hear people talk about christmas miracles right? But, seriously and sadly... Do they really exist? I prayed and wished so hard for a christmas miracle to happen, and frankly that will be the bestest christmas present I will ever receive. And at that point of time, maybe, just maybe if I happen to get electrocuted while using this computer, I can also die without regrets...


Even when I knew so well, and my brian keeps telling me that that wish was hardly possible, and that the odds were 99 to 1. BUT, WHY!!!??? Why am I still so foolish and still be so hopeful for that 1 in a 100 chance. I could just have went to sleep earlier you know, but why do I keep insisting on holding up... I WANTED TO GIVE UP!!! But... why does my stupid heart forbid me to do that... And at that instant when it was that brand new day, 0000 hours of 26Dec, I instantly became a fool, a sucker, a dunce...


The more you are so hopeful the more hurt and disappointed you will get. but then... what can you do anyways? I had quite an uncomfortable night... thinking about all that had happened... Yea, Toh Liling, you were absolutely right! I really cannot sleep, but still managed to collapse at around 2am like that... zzzzzzzzzzz Thanks yuting for chatting with me from 10pm until 12am though, you made me feel less like a fool... For at least I was not bored...


Is hanging on to a dying wish still considered optimistic? or is that just plain stupidity? I really dunno... But I feel so... empty and quiet inside, why? I also not sure. I wait... and wait... Sounds foolish to wait for miracles to happen right? BUT I just can't help it... For now... I guess wait again? fate is so funny, when u truely realise you need to do something to correct things, that something is not available for you to correct... When u want to say something... that person is gone before u can say it... So I guess wait... waiting... like a fool I guess... Until the fates permit again... just like drama series when someone go up the lift, the other person just come out from the other lift... I wanna say so much... I wanna say I'm sorry...